YOU know before you have a baby that getting up during the night will become the norm. Babies need feeding and it’s your job to feed them.
What nobody warns you is that you go a little bit crazy once your little bundle of joy moves in with you … and night feeds don’t help the craziness! The sensible way of dealing with being woken in the middle of the night is to get up, feed your baby and go straight back to sleep, yes? But it doesn’t seem to happen that way. Most nights I can be found sitting in bed wide awake with my phone in my hand long after Ezra has fallen asleep.
What exactly is so important that I can’t possibly go to sleep? Googling all manner of random things, it would seem. I currently have 22 internet tabs open, as well as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, with pages ranging from a wooden pineapple necklace and a cactus party banner (we have no birthdays coming up), to a £25 fruit infuser water bottle (the one with the rose gold coloured lid, obis), baby rompers, and Google images of “loose perms”. I would blame sleep deprivation, but I think Instagram-envy has a lot to do with the randomness of my searches ( I would really like a loose perm and a pineapple necklace though…)
If you need any further proof that I’m losing the plot, here’s an insight into just some of my 2.30am and 4am Google searches…
Wickes or Howdens kitchen?
A few weeks ago we went to Wickes to get our kitchen designed. It turned out to be a lot more expensive than we’d anticipated, so obviously price comparisons were a good idea in the middle of the night. Good old Mumsnet came up trumps with a whole message board on this one. Howdens was the clear winner if you want to save a bit of cash.
Is granite cheaper than Corian worktops?
I have no idea what a Corian worktop actually is, or how it differs from granite, but 2.30am me found the exact colour she wanted. Apparently she isn’t sure if she can afford it, or if granite is the safer option, but it’s the Juniper shade she’s after, if anyone’s interested, and it’s very pretty. Just don’t let laminate-loving Stew in on this massive investment.
How to design an Ikea kitchen:
We can all see where this is going…
Rightmove:
Enough said.
First Choice holidays:
Forget the kitchen, we’re getting on a plane.
Destination: Show all.
Catering: All inclusive (to hell with money)
Price: Low to high (well let’s not be over-extravagant, hey?)
How to get rid of stretch marks:
Very important if we’re going on this 4am holiday.
How to tone stomach after having a baby:
See above.
Asos high waisted bikinis:
Getting desperate now. Because three weeks isn’t long enough to undo the damage of a 9lb 9oz baby.
This led on to a general Asos holiday clothes search, including sliders (for comfort), pleated skirt (even though I know from experience it won’t suit me), bardot top (getting into the holiday vibe) and bodysuit (and that’s the point I totally lost the plot). I now have 23 items in my basket coming to a grand total of £428.50 *insert all the crying laughing emojis*
Let’s repeat, don’t tell Stew.
At least I’ve discovered our wifi doesn’t quite reach the bedroom … and ran out of data in the process. Excellent.
Oh, and night feeds aren’t just for Googling random stuff. I also get out of bed to prove I’ve gone doolally. In the last week on my way to the Perfect Prep machine I’ve…
Measured the kitchen:
Yep, we’re back onto my favourite topic of the kitchen. For some reason while the bottle was being made I took it upon myself to measure the walls to see which Ikea units would fit in. I then woke Stew up to tell him we could put the cooker in a larder cupboard where the fridge currently is. I bet he could sleep soundly knowing that.
Exfoliated:
Because who doesn’t like their face to be super soft while sleeping?
Surf sprayed:
And we all like tousled waves to go with our cleansed skin, right?
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And there we have it. Thanks to Ezra I’ve discovered a whole range of random websites and things I have absolutely no need for, but really would quite like. Now, back to the H&M fox baby slippers…
I laughed way too hard st this post! Goodness knows what I’ll be searching, these all sound perfectly reasonable to me now :’D
Phew! I’m glad I’m not alone!
Haha, I relate! I actually used to love those middle of the night feeds because it was when I got everything done on my phone x
GAS!! I do this all the time. And next thing I know it’s time to get up!!!
this is brilliant. Can certainly relate, especially the ways to get rid of stretch marks, but then just going for a hugh wasted bikini haha x
Haha, this is brilliant. I always wish that I could get a book sent to me at the end of each year with a list of all the things I googled over the last 12 months. I think it would be so funny to look back on as I often Google the most random of things. I’m due baby no.2 in November and no doubt I’ll be joining you in the madness that is nighttime googling.
ha ha. I google so much and my daughter was reading the google inputs I had typed and was very intrigued…. ie 8 year old bedtime routine. She questioned me on it! I enjoyed your post.
This is absolutely hilarious! I proper Lol’d! I used to do this with Joni when I was feeding. I didn’t have an internet handy phone with Gus but with Joni i was all over internet shopping. And then I couldn’t sleep thinking about all the things i couldn’t afford to buy. Please can you do a follow up post with photographs of a) the pineapple necklace b) your new kitchen c) your holiday d) your loose perm. 😀 Ace Alana!!!!!
This is brilliant. I am so glad that it isn’t just me who does random searches on the internet during night feeds and I stay up once baby boy is fast asleep ludicrous. I am mostly found looking for things I never buy and pouring over spoilers for TV programmes I am not actually watching. Bizarre! Hugs Lucy xxxx
Haha! I love that you look up spoilers for things you don’t even watch! Thanks for reading x
Ha ha, yep nodded my way through this !! I used to spend hours on Baby centre, usually trying to find out when they would start sleeping through the night! xx
Haha so funny and so true. Love how you went from home improvements to holidays lol x
This made me smile, it is great what you can ask google at anytime of the day or night xx
Haha! Such a funny post 🙂 My late night searches are different but just as random, that urge to google can be overwhelming sometimes and it’s so hard to stop! I’m also addicted to Pinterest once I start.
Hehe, I am glad we didn’t have Facebook, twitter and Google when mine were little or I would have been up all night!! Gosh I sound old!! I can spend ages planning a new kitchen even though I have no budget 🙂
Ha ha ha – Rightmove is definitely my favourite waste of time (after Instagram that is) x x
It’s so much fun isn’t it?!
Oh I hear you – I have been known to trawl through all sorts of random stuff on the internet in the wee small hours! Kaz x
Phew! Glad that transaction didn’t go through! My mummy used to consult Dr Google in the wee hours! 😉
Well it sounds like your getting some jobs and ideas ticked off!
hahhaa oh my days this is such a cute and funny post! I am sure you must google all sorts at random times during the night! haha